Goes out to Zilchy, who also sent much needed help. He didn't have to, but it was nice to know that he still cares about me, in some fashion or another. 

 There are some days when I really feel hurt by everything that happened, but it's days like this that I miss him. He's not always as bad as people say he is; he's had no obligation to continue to help me through everything, but he did anyway. 

 Thanks, zilchy. It means alot. from Orion and I both. *hugs*

For those of you up north who are in the path of the wildfires, we have space. We can take about 3-4 people if some don't mind sharing the floor and couch.

Again, I reiterate myself. Wildfire evacuees, you can come here if you need a place to stay.

This entry public for all kin-types not on my f-list. Locked in three days.

A question on OKA prompted this, and I thought I should write on it a little bit. Just to get it out of my head. Well, I guess it's not *just* a question from OKA that's made this eat at me: truth be told this has been on my brain for almost a week now. If I don't get it out I'm gonna go crazy.

This is a Lu/Addy post, BTW, so if you can't be supportive and sensitive, go the hell away.

As most kin know, memories are weird things. Most kin know this. Well, one came to me yesterday, or rather, an impression. I'd like to write about it because it's prompted a torrent of feelings and emotions that come with it.

The question was someone asking about The War(s). Now, while I remembered Lucifer's fall, I remembered practically nothing afterwards. Well, I got a little snippet yesterday. Not to long after the first war, I was promoted to the rank of Domination. Lucifer was my commanding prince through both, as I was an angel of strategy, and he was the master of that. Lucifer and I stood for many an hour over a display table deal, pointing out best methods of defense and attack, ect ect. As some of the people reading this will know, Lu and I were distantly close. If that makes sense. I was in his fanclub, as it were.

Anyway, yesterday, I started remembering some of the other angelics I fought in the second war. For the most part, I was actually easier on alot of them then I was with the fallen in the first war. Many of them were reluctant to fight at all: most just left. ( I say left, but they took the leap from the tower, and you could hear their screams as they fell all that way...*sigh*). However, those few I fought with fervor were not kind at all. I was called a traitor to my Prince, to proud, ect ect. Which, now that I have time to think about it, obviously already weighed on me given my decision. However, TWATF put it best: I had a family to look after. Not just my immediate circle, but other brothers and sisters and cousins who were in mourning, and couldn't understand why it had happened. Truth be told, though, it was a long time coming, and that was a piece of knowlage that I had that no one else seemed to. I attempted to impart this to them later. Sometimes it seemed to help, other times, it didn't.

Lu has really been on my mind alot this week, though, and I don't know why. Everything seems to remind me of him. Songs come up on the radio that I've attributed to him in the past. It's strange. But I don't beleive that Lucifer communicates with humans at all. Maybe given everything, maybe it's stupid of me to deny that it's possible: I don't know. But over this past week, I can't help but daydream about him like, every second. And it's getting obsessive, and I'm starting to worry. G-d is silent to me on this matter; when I was little, I was raised to beleive that excessive pondering on "the devil" (of which Lucifer is one of many) was a ticket strait to hell in a handbasket. I am beginning to fear for my own salvation and my own dedication to Christ and his message. But I hurt for Lucifer in my heart, and if we were to come to earth for the end, (which I beleive he will, based on my dreams) I know I couldn't stay away from him. I love Christ, but I love Lucifer, too. Its one of the daydreams I've had this past few days: I see myself as a captive of Satan-el (as in my dreams), and I see Lucifer in his human guise ending my life. In my visions, it's quick, a knife to my heart. A tear slips out of my eye, and out of his also, and I whisper " thank you" and " I love you" as I die in his arms. Just writing about it brings tears to my eyes.

In other words, in summary of this post. I am screwed five ways from Sunday, and I don't know what all of this means, or even what to think/do with all of this.

" I heard you say your guilty,
but I love you, love you anyway..."

So I'm prompting all ya'll. Hit me with your best shot.

So most of you know I'm Christian, or at least, an open-ended christian. Most of you also know that most other Christians annoy the hell out of me. So, here's your challenge. Comment here and tell me any negative stereotypes you have about Christians, and then either criticism you have about my particular version, or compliments. Challenge my faith a little, let me hear what you have to say! Don't be afraid to be a little bit mean.

I think questioning of one's faith, and self examination, are the keys to a strong foundation. I also want to give many of you a chance to really lay into a Christian and vent about some of the frustrations I've heard people talk about. So as I said, take a shot. You won't offend me.

Spread the word, too. I'll take questions from just about everywhere.

*sits back and sips Lemonade*

" Grant me wings that I might fly,
My restless soul is longing,
 No pain remains, no feeling,
 Eternity awaits"
   -VNV Nation, Beloved

So today in class was interesting. I got to spar. It's been five years since I've been up against an opponent, and what was more, I was put up against a blue today. 0-0 Way outta my league. Then again, all my katas are coming back to me pretty easily. I'm a little rusty with some of the moves like sumo and crashing the eagle, but I'll get back on the ball pretty quick. yay!

I found this to be very thought provoking. Everyone should watch this.

This might bear a little explaining.
As inspired by Amariune in her Livejournal, I've been pondering some of what I believe my past existence was like, what I believe, and how it affects and influences my life. My beleifs and ideas are very complicated, pretty gosh-durned fluid, and usually change based on new stuff I feel I remember.


As some people have seen, I've written some snippets of my memories down in my journal before. For some reason, I seem to be sharing this sort of same semi-tooth and nails need to get some stuff written out- although I am such a busy person, I don't know WHEN the heck I'm going to find the time.

However, I'm fining myself operating under a semi-different mode then Amariune. I do this as kind of a self-examination, sort of a sum-up explanation thing, and more or less, just something to help me get my thoughts out on paper. Also, I am very proud of my kinship and what I feel I am, and I feel the need to share my experiences and beliefs with others in order to exchange ideas in a positive manner ( although I can't guarantee any essays after I finish writing THIS novel, *snerk*)

As Amariune so eloquently put it in her own LJ, Im seeking neither acceptance or affirmation here, nor do I offer this as any kind of excuse for ANYTHING. I am what I am when I am, and I take full responsibility for all my actions- Unless I just plain go crazy at some point. ( I mean, you never know, right?)

I am also with Amariune in the sense that I seem to remember a pretty good portion of my previous existence. ( Which I can, by no means, cover all in here.) Oftentimes, this puts ( the boht of us!) at odds with our community, because alot of people don't get how it works. Frankly, I don't either, so don't ask me how I do it, cause I don't know. XD And I get that some of this sounds pretty durned weird. Hey-you wanna call me crazy, that's..well, sucky, but I don't expect everyone else to dive in my pool headfirst. So with that I present to you....

* The obligatory disclaimer

Now, I know some people are pretty sensitive to some stuff. Like, some of my ideas are pretty outside what some people would call " The norm". Well, I guess normal depends on who your asking. I'm sure to some people these ideas, or at least some of them, sound entirely normal. Others might look in askance at what I say. Yo, man, if you think I'm nuts, just be nice when you say so, K?
Obviously, some people are going to disagree with me. And that is TOTALLY cool. I actually enjoy people speaking with me ( in a respectful manner, of course, as I would respect you) about this kind of stuff. I believe two people talking it out, especially kin, is a great way for a person to get to know (themselves) better. It's always good to have someone look at what you have to say and offer fresh perspectives on it. What better way to learn and grow?
However, if you are one of those people who are easily offended by very non-traditional ideas, then it's probably not a good idea for you to read on. As a matter of fact, please don't. I don't want any giganto hissy fits. If you do disagree and want to discuss it further in a curteous manner, by all means, please feel free to contact me. ( I get so busy though, so please don't be mad if I don't get to you right away. >.<' )
Also, I should add another warning here- and for some reason, this just absolutely has burned some people's noodles; I AM CHRISTIAN. Yes, YOU HEARD ME. Although I'm what I kindly refer to as an eclectic Christian, and I've been strongly influenced by thought from all over the world, Christianity is the foundation of all my beliefs. Some people in my community don't seem to take to well to the fact, for some weird reason. There will be Jesus talk, so if this is going to steam your vegetables, please, don't go on.


Now, I've given people the rundown on how my whole awakening started. (for more info, you may visit " On my Awakening here: http://main.otherkinalliance.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=31&Itemid=34 )

..So yes. Well, that saves me some typing.

So anyways. I'm just gonna say the hell with it, and dive right in. Here are my beliefs, crash course- firstly generalized, then a little personal set.

Please note: This list is constantly being expanded. Thank you!






..So yeah! I think that covers the basics. *WHEW* theres alot there. Uhm yeah. Im tired. XD Yeah. Theres alot here, isn't there?

Anyways, always open for discussion. Imma sleep now. Of course, comments and constructive criticism/debate are totally cool.

( Pictures of my LiveJournal Friends )


Try out this Meme

Brought to you by NardVille

Metatron cried out softly as Alaha took control, and his hands clenched-unclenched-clenched, head thrown back, a rictus of ecstasy at the Divine contact.  Suspended, Metatron hung, wings limp, toes just brushing the earth, so very still save for the Voice issuing through him from Alaha.

Amariune, thank you to giving voice to such an experience.

 When I read this, it was like someone stabbed me in the heart. Not a pain in my chest, quite- but it made me reflect back on a dream I had when I was...oh, dear...twelve at least, where I dreamed something very similar to this happened to me. And it also brought back very hazy memories. What it was like to be in the presence, what it was like when He filled you up like water in a glass and spilled out of your being. It was so sacred and so beautiful… I have no words.

 

 There are those whom I’ve heard say because of His ability to do this to us, that we are nothing more then slaves. That we are creatures of a cruel G-D who may take our spirits whenever it so desires and use us in this way- that we truly have no free will.

 

  But it is our charge, our purpose, our oh- so sacred gift.

 

 And I fall to my knees and pray for the day when I may be filled with Him again.

I can see you through a distant dream,
Looking up at me with blank eyes,
" I know your there."
So familer and being pulled towards your center,
Always wondering why.
I don't understand it at all,
Your a perfect stranger to me.
And yet they tell us to be silent
And to speak a word in vain,
Dear, only a way to die.
I know in your heart it is storming,
Only crowds can understand,
Only silence and shadow and stillness is peace,
On the way to dreaming,
All of it is a lie.
Eyes watching and knowing and hearing us speak,
of real worlds in hushed tones,
Emulating something we seek
I hand you a martini, " How interesting" you say,
Reality passes us by.
Walking on eggshells, balancing ourselves,
Yet never completely full.
My silence is golden, and I only watch,
Never a part of your world.
Sigh.

* * *

I don't know quite what prompted me to write this other then repeated dreams I've had on and off for the past two years or so. This is dedicated to that reoccurring dream figure.

I missed Karate Class.

And Im so glad I'm back in now. I picked up all the techniques very quickly, ( I was rusty) and I had nearly forgotten how much I just LOVED it. And sensai wants me to get crackin' so I can go back to helping teach the kids and stuff!

I'm happy. ^^

...is now up and may be viewed here: http://community.livejournal.com/hummingbird_nov/12488.html


Critique is your friend!

The second manga comes out on the 9th!

MUST READ. 0-0

They made Toby look like Jareth on the cover.

I LOVE that. 0-0

Thank god I saw something earlier today that reminded me of this.

So yes! Our submission for presenter status is in! If everything goes well, I'll be doing a lecture/panel at Pantheacon 2008! I'm very exited, as this will be my first major speech/lecture/floor discussion. I know it's not until February, but my heart is racing, and I'm extreamly enthused! Of course OKA will be there representing even if we don't get presenter status this year, but we're hopeful. It was unfortunate that we missed things last year, and even more of a bummer that I forgot my cards, (Dangnabbit!) But this year, I'm going PREPARED! HA! I started putting together my lecture after this February's Panthea!

So if everything goes well, the panel will be called simply " The Otherkin Subculture". Topics will range from discussion of the beginning of the community to it's current state as of the time of the lecture, as well as topics such as awakening, common problems kin face, and types of Kin within the community. Also, I'll be opening up the floor about midway through for questions and commentary. After the lecture, I'll be making myself available for any personal questions or counseling issues. My room will also be open by invite only, so please be sure to contact me about this ahead of your time if your interested. Zilchy will be there, as will probably some other faces on OKA, since we got word in that we're gonna be there this year!

For those of you who don't know, Panthea will take place February 15th through 18th at the Double Tree Hotel in San Jose. Interested parties may contact me for details or visit http://www.pantheacon.com/08/about . Thank you everyone! I hope to see you all there!

Noname, zilchy and I laughed so hard we cried.
Great job!

The past few days for me have been nuts.

Actually, I should say the past couple of weeks. I think I've uncovered more about my past in a kin sense in the past couple of weeks then I have in two years. For that matter, I've learned more about my kinself in teh past six months then I have in the past three years.

And while it's great, it's also been exhausting. There is, obviously, a LOT to remember to five kazillion years of existence while I'm here on vacation. Some days I'm not sure what to make of it all, and some days I just grin and keep trudging.

Still, though, its easy for people to go, ' Well, remember it, but keep going on with your life now'. I've heard that advice given to newly awakening kin alot. But I think the important thing to consider with this is that this stuff *does* affect your normal day to day life. Certain situations or conditions can make you reflect back on a memory of your previous existence. For example- it just rained here for the first time in MONTHS. MONTHS. And the air smelled like that evaporating, evening air semi thunderstorm thing. I LOVE that. And for some reason, it really stuck with me, and brought back this well of memories and feelings associated with them. So that was interesting. But I don't think it's practical to tell a newly awakening kin, ( or any kin for that matter,) to just deal and move on with their lives. Because who we were/will become *is* a part of our lives here and *now*.

At any rate, its 3am, Im tired, and I want to be coherant enough to talk with the big G before I go to bed. I have alot to reflect on over the next couple of days.

I try not to be judgmental.

I try not to criticize.

I really try to give people the benefit of a doubt when it comes to art. But occasionally, just SOMETIMES, someone comes up with something thats so incredibly offensive and hurtful that it genuinely angers people. Right down to the core.

And so what do you do when this type of art is posted on your own forum?

Technically, no rules have been violated. The art itself wasn't even crude or necessarily tasteless, or anything like that. It just offended people, I suppose you could say like some political cartoons offend some people. The subject matter wasn't exactly high on certain people's lists. It was just biased in a certain way, and that was an irk for some people. But looking at the artwork, I have to say, I can defiantly see where they were coming from. It even stabbed *me* in the heart.

But what gets me is that members of my site actually found this to be *funny*. They knew that there were some people on the forum who would be hurt, confused, angry over this, and they didn't *care*. That's what bothers me the most. That they laughed at a picture that was the kin equivalent of A Nazi kicking a Jew with the words " PWND" written on it in big letters. They LAUGHED at it! And I am like, totally outraged.

What should I do? I'm way lost with this.

Oie.

Le problem, ladies and gents.

Not a big problem, mind you, but one that racks me with guilt every time I think about it.

And for those of you whom have ever tried to send me a PM on OKA, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

And the problem is precisely this; I have far to much to do on my schedule, and never enough time to do it. Which is probably not unlike every other person on the face of this planet, except for the fact that I run a support forum.
So here's now it works. I get a PM in my inbox on OKA. Now, I think alot of people get mixed up when I say PM me if your in DIRE need of help, because I've gotten everything from what's my kin type to, (and I kid you not) disagreeing with my choice of really good ice cream. Which is GREAT and dandy, I love socializing with my friends on OKA, but no matter HOW MANY TIMES I TELL THEM, PLEASE, for the love of pete, send stuff like that to my EMAIL, they NEVER seem to listen. So because of this, my PM box gets flooded with I DISAGREES, HOH NOES! and that kind of stuff, and POOF, I have to go through and delete these messages, JUST SO NEWER ONES CAN COME IN. Ie, I might miss a really important, urgent cry for help with these kinds of PM's. Hey- great. If you REALLY Want to debate with me why chocolate chip shouldn't be my favorite ice cream, well, fine. Weird, but fine. But when someone gets kicked out of their house for being kin, or is in danger and needs a place to go, they automatically PM me first. Because that's what I've ASKED them to do. But then when I have 99 percent of my inbox full and no room for incoming messages, I might not notice until later that I have messages on hold, and that could be devastating to someone else who really needs help. PLEASE, people, I beg you. FOr idle chat or inquiries, please. EMAIL ME. Because a PM is NOT working for me right now.
I end up having to sort PM'S according to their relevance. " Read my fic" is, sadly, last on my list. " My mom just threw me out of the house, whatdoIdoglassie?" is ALOT more important. Im a consoler, okay, not a concierge. I don't pick out what colors would be good for you this season, ( that was an actual pm,) I counsel people through periods of crisis. In summary, I am your guy's friend, but I'm not your magic eight ball. Please, PLEASE, unless something is related to OKA or you genuinely need help, EMAIL ME, don't PM me. PLEASE PLEASE.

Because I got so fricking many of these damned things, Im pondering and answering as I go along!

*POKES* and COME ON, CHEAPSKATES! If I gotta do 20 of you, you have to play, too! *shakes fist*